Dear Nancy: Student Writes to Her Friend

Alejandra writes a heartfelt letter to her friend Nancy reflecting on their past together. The letter is filled with emotions, realizations, and pain. These writings are part of a running workshop series. Feel free to comment, and workshop facilitators will share with authors.

Dear Nancy,

I know that now you’re in a better place. I can never forget the things that we got into. It’s crazy how I didn’t know you were my half sister, but I’m glad we got to meet each other back in 2010. I was 14 years old. I was already deep into gangs and I let myself get caught up in it, but I wasn’t even tripping. It was a week before my birthday. That was a crazy week because I ran away from home to create my own thing, you know what i mean. No one knew what was up and I still don’t, which is cool because I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.

Remember December 12, 2011 we went to guadalupe church to celebrate her birthday? We were mobbing deep with your baby daddy and all the homies. I will never forget that day. Our rivals were starting their bs with us cause we were in the wrong territory. We didn’t even care cause we were down to get down with those females. That is a fight that I will never forget, especially how we got them in the back parking lot, crazy night sister. I still can’t get over it for some reason, and I believe your thinking about it too while I’m typing it huh?

Nancy, I miss how you would always defend me when my mom would try to hit me in front of everyone. That’s probably why I am the way I am. I spent half my life with you cause we would always try to make things work out. Meanwhile our dad was in jail doing time. He’s probably trying to forgive us for giving him a hard time. I just wish mom would let me talk to him so I can get to know him a lot better. I doubt she will because of his bad habits. Sometimes I wish they never left each other, but thinking about all this struggle made me strong and who I am now.

Now I’m changing, trying to get book smart. I’m not going out with all the girls we used to chill with. I see them here and there, but it’s not the same cause I don’t roll with them. I’m street educated, and school educated. I’m sure you noticed that by now, that sometimes I wish my mom could see that I’m not the same anymore. I wish she can see that I’m not gangbangin and having all those bad habits I had. Its just so hard to make her recognize that i’m done doing bad to her. I felt bad when she started crying when they were going to lock me up when I was going down the wrong path. I hope one day she does notice, so she can finally give the love and support I’m missing from her.

No one knows the struggle that my mom went through while I was growing up. She was always getting off work early to pick me up from school since I was always getting into fights. Nancy, I am done with fighting, that isn’t going to help me later on in life. I wish you can be here right now to see the changes I’ve made. But you’re gone, doing good I hope.

I still can’t forget September 11 2013. It was the day I went crazy during class when I got the call that you were murdered. I was mad at myself knowing  that I could have been with you at that time but, I wasn’t cause I was in class. I hope your reading my mind while I’m doing this so you can see I haven’t forgot about you sister. I love you Nancy, i hope you rest in peace

Love,

Alejandra <3

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De-Bug High offers youth perspectives on the issue of the day by tapping into the writers, artists, and visionaries going to our Silicon Valley schools.

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