Decision Day -- Freedom After an LWOP Sentence

“I close my eyes and open them, I see my mother’s front yard”

“I close my eyes and open them, I see a prison yard’’

“I close my eyes and open them and I see you present with me’’

(Image by Daniel Zapien)

My name is Aaron. I am 35 years old. I just came home after being incarcerated for 16 and half years in a Life Without the Possibility of Parole (LWOP) sentence. I committed the life crime at the age of 19 and through the 6th District Court of Appeal the sentence was reversed. I will never forget the day I received the news that that the decision was in favor of a reversal. On this day I immediately broke down in tears, tears of truth. 

I had almost lost all hope in the system, yet through all the darkness of what a LWOP sentence amounts to, I still held belief. The reality is not believing meant that the support from my family, community, organizations, and friends would not reach its full potential in strength. I always knew it began with me. Being human, not perfect, and recently released from prison, I always manifest that I could still be a prosocial addition to any community that accepted me. 

Many things went right for my release to take place. At that moment I believe the system has began to open its eyes toward some injustices. However, many injustices are still intact. 

I would like to add that along with the outside community, the inside community played a big role in my development toward rehabilitation. Whether it was that LWOP running a Prison Industry (P.IA) job, or that prison yard crew worker teaching you about landscaping methods, or that lifer facilitating college courses, groups, or sports, I was able to forge a path forward through the light many have shared. 

Moving along I would simply like to convey how my life was impacted by the court’s reversal. First off, I was able to tell my mother there was a chance I would come home. Through a phone call I recall her sobbing as she thanked her higher power in faith and relief. As I reflect upon this phone call, I was able I was able to feel a 50 lb. backpack being taken off my shoulders. As I shared the news with my wife along with all those who were directly involved with pitching in support to see me home, I couldn’t help but to smile with genuine gratitude. 

It always felt like I couldn’t see a path home, although I struggled at times, I never gave up. I’ve witnessed what the outcome brings when someone gives up in prison. There are many ways to give up, but they all end in the same -- defeat.

Furthermore, on the decision day I felt a lot of relief, and sadness, and joy all at the same time. All three emotions at once, and I cannot truly explain as the news was relayed to me at 9:34am that morning of October 25th over the phone I froze, time froze, life froze as the true meaning of the news would begin to dawn on me in that moment and in the following weeks. News of such a big decision do not sit with you for a day, it takes weeks to process. Through it all I find myself writing this piece imploring that whoever reads it, that you simply believe me when I tell you that every day out in freedom and living in society, I relive that beautiful, surprising, amazing, yet sobering feels that I encountered the day I was granted the court reversal in closing in the days after the news. I then began to feel a little bit of inner freedom knowing that I was not going to die in prison. Because prior to that I knew that no matter what I learned, no matter what I changed, no matter what I did I was going to die in a concrete cell. Therefore, concrete, hard wire, and coldness would accompany me til death. I would never be able to breathe free air. The weight was heavy, yet through it I made a decision to never hurt anything or anyone ever again. Becoming a pro-social individual was something I strived for as difficult as it was, I simply longed to belong, to live, to not be a zombie that was destined for a medical facility prison in my later years before death.